Everyday, without fail, I dunk my entire face into a freezing bowl of ice water.
In the tone of a TikTok, “Get Ready with Me,” I want to tell you about my morning routine. Typically, I start most days with the sound of an alarm at 7:00 AM. I rarely hesitate to get up and I do not hit the snooze button. I offer hearty salutations to my cat, Stella. She slow blinks at me as I hunt for my water glass. While the first sip of the day might be water, the filtered coffee isn’t far behind. As I brew the coffee, I prepare the couch where I will write three pages in a journal, long-hand, uninterrupted. The writing exercise is a way to tap into my subconscious and shake out the “cobwebs.” My morning is transitionary. I’m closing the nighttime dreaming and ushering in the sunlight and daily potential to embrace the opportunity to trust myself again and regain belief. The ritual has changed my life’s trajectory and I’m forever grateful for the first moments of a new day. After showering, I cleanse my face, then plunge it into ice water. I endure a small headache from the shock and when it wears off that’s when I feel the day about to begin.
The Cooking Narrative
I’ve often heard the story told by many individuals that they aren’t good cooks. Their kitchen trauma’s are played out with details of cooking disasters, enduring criticism, and recipe failure. Welcome to the magical/mythic world of cooking. I will certainly not devalue genuine culinary talent, but I believe that everyone can cook *something* well. My therapist introduced me to the modality of narrative therapy. When I was growing up, my father was particularly hard on me. He was physically and emotionally abusive. My therapist asked me one day, who did you admire growing up? I told him about Ms. Leasel. Ms. Leasel was a college student who helped out at the local daycare I attended. I haven’t spoken of Ms. Leasel since I left that daycare.
When I mentioned Ms. Leasel, he told me that she is apart of my alternative narrative. The real story (actual narrative) is the pain around my childhood. He allowed me to acknowledge that there is this softer/kinder presence that exists if you create space for it to flourish. I find that this practice can change the minds of those who believe cooking is not for them. If you’re thinking, “Oh wait, so I have to gaslight myself into an alternative story?” You’d be *somewhat* correct. The narratives can be equally true. For instance, when someone passes away, you can feel anguish and relief at the same time. This concept is similar to diverting your thoughts. For example someone might say, “I used to feel powerless in the kitchen, but now I have a Tomato Soup recipe I’m in love with.” You can accept a previous narrative and adopt a new one simultaneously. As I age, perspective taking is incredibly valuable. Anything that felt like a complete waste of time or failure was energy wasted on a narrative. When I look around, I think, this is exactly where I have to be. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
On deck.
I made a video on instagram and TikTok for the photo above, a crispy rice salad with fish sauce vinaigrette and fried eggs. Texturally, this salad exceeds expectations and I found myself dipping my spoon back into the vinaigrette just to “sip” the dressing. While there is no recipe yet, the vinaigrette is made from lime juice, fish sauce, rice wine vinegar, minced garlic, thinly sliced Thai bird chili, and sugar. The vinaigrette evokes the feeling of being in South East Asia, minus the choking humidity. I’m itching to make a recipe for this as an excuse to drink more vinaigrette and possibly shatter my teeth on very crispy rice.
Now, for the recipe of the week. Drum roll please.
Carrot Cake Pancakes with Maple Cream Cheese. After making a batch of actual carrot cake, it occurred to me that I had a desire to make the same carrot cake recipe but in pancake form. I scaled down the sugar and kept the DNA of the original recipe as much as I possibly could. I was inspired by Natasha Pickowicz’s “Perfect Carrot Cake.” I do feel the ingredient list is non-negotiable. The pancakes are pillowy, naturally sweet, and perfumed with coconut. The maple cream cheese is a way to “butter” each pancake and dress it with syrup in one step. This recipe falls into the category of, “I finally have a day off and I’m going to make lavish pancakes for myself and maybe a loved one(s).”
Carrot Cake Pancakes with Maple Cream Cheese
Serves 2-4
Ingredients:
1 large carrot, finely grated
85 g pineapple jam (or preserves)
100 g all purpose flour
25 g whole wheat flour
40 g unsweetened coconut flakes
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
.5 tsp kosher salt (diamond crystal)
1 whole egg, plus 1 egg yolk
25 g dark brown sugar
250 ml buttermilk
113 g or 1 stick of unsalted butter, melted
8 oz cream cheese (softened to room temperature)
85 g maple syrup
Method:
Preheat oven to 225ºF.
In a small bowl/container stir together the finely grated carrot with pineapple jam, set aside.
Whisk together in a large bowl the all purpose and whole wheat flours, coconut flakes, baking soda, baking powder, and kosher salt. Stir to combine.
In a medium sized bowl, add the egg and the yolk with dark brown sugar and whisk vigorously for two minutes. Incorperate Buttermilk to combine.
Pour your wet ingredients over the dry ingredients including the carrot mixture. Using a spatula, fold everything together making sure to not over-mix.
In a medium/small bowl whisk the cream cheese and maple syrup together until there are no lumps and it resembles the consistency and sheen of sour cream.
Preheat a large non-stick skillet/pan to medium heat for about 4-5 minutes. Allow for the whole pan to come up to temperature.
Add two tablespoons of melted butter to the pan. Using a large kitchen spoon, scoop your batter into the pan giving two inches in between pancakes to account for spreading.
Bubbles will start to form on the surface and the perimeter will begin to show color and look set, about 3-5 minutes. This is the indicator to flip. Cook on the remaining side for 2-4 minutes, peeking to check for browning. Place pancakes on a sheet tray and hold in the warm oven. Refresh the pan for the next round of pancakes by repeating the last two steps.
When pancakes are finished, spread the maple cream cheese liberally on each pancake. You can stack the pancakes, eat them scattered, or how I do, one at a time fresh out of the pan.
oh my god we are going to be so fat
Loved this letter Robert! Keep them coming 😘