Check Yes, or No.
I was setting up for a granola class at The Brooklyn Autism Center when one of the students entered the kitchen with their support person. During the program, the students eventually move into preparing their own lunches. The student was grabbing items from the fridge when they hit a road block. I was observing the student encounter a step they were uncertain of. Some of the students carry checklists with them as a guide to map out parts of their day. This student had written on their checklist, “ask for help.” A light bulb went off in my head. I thought it was genius to include help into a task. There are many ways those of us without autism struggle to ask for help.
Since birth, parents and culture have been pressuring us all to have mastery over life. Typically, the justification is uttered with, “I got this.” After having my mind changed, this cannot be true. That stability we all aspire to feel is often ephemeral. What I learned from that students checklist was that we all need to ask for help more often than we’d like to. We are more likely to say, “no, it’s okay,” “don’t worry, thank you.” Accepting help, anticipating it, and graciously asking for it, offers a new way forward.
I have become unamused with my own predictability these days. In an effort to “spice things up,” I make a willing choice to say, do, think, feel, the alternative. My gut instinct has kept me alive, but it hasn’t pushed me far outside my comfort zone. Asking for help is a primal function that I believe hurts when we don't call upon it or offer it. I was happy to see the student check off their list “ask for help.” So, this is me asking for help. No. I’m good, for now, but for real though.
(G)Hosting Dinner Parties
Is it me, or did everyone stop having people over? Is there a new shortage on fucks given? Collectively we should all be having more dinner parties.
Light candles, write a menu, clean your house, get some beverages, put on something cute and invite fun people over.
Let’s enter the live, laugh, love era.
If you’re leaving your laundry on your bed for two days straight, it’s time to cook a nice meal for people you care about. The fantastic part about hosting is that it *almost* always costs less than going out for dinner when you crunch the numbers.
The function of a Dinner Party is setting the stage for an intimate gathering. When you humbly enter another person’s home, you get a glimpse into how they live. Not everything existing inside their home warrants a conversation. Unless they have tribal wall décor that has a strong resemblance to Donatella Versace. Being a guest is a judgement free duty. From my experience, the host is often quite vulnerable. They have taken the risk of opening themselves to critique. An aspirational goal of throwing a dinner party should be that all guests, host included, have a memorable night and feel nourished.
Non negotiable dinner party must haves.
Lighting. Ugh, kill me now. I went out recently to Frenchette in Tribeca and mentioned how much I loved the lighting. My friends questioned me if that was the only thing I was concerned about. Actually, it is so important. Alice Waters, farmers market maven and founder of Chez Panisse would always discuss how a softly lit room shaved off a couple of years on everyone’s faces. Thank you Alice for your culinary contributions.
Drinks. In the summer, if you do not have chilled water for people to drink, you will be ushered to prison. A sparkling water option has now become essential. A.I. even drinks La Croix. It is *not* important to provide all the alcohol for the party. The first drink though, should technically come from the host as a welcome libation. By the way, I have never liked that word, libation. It sounds like liberation or labia.
The Menu. Thoughtfully written with consideration towards the guests in attendance. If my friend Dillon is coming over, chances are I’ll be making smash burgers. If my friend Halley and Caitie are coming over I’ll make mezze, or a sexy salad. If I have new people coming over, I’ll see if they have any allergies and consider their tastes in mind. However, at no point will I be displaying my culinary prowess. When the food outshines the party as a whole, congratulations, you can call yourself “Chef” now.
Tidy Up. It’s no longer cute to be a mess. Even slightly “out of order” is not worth the time of the people you invite over. Make the bed, fluff the pillows, air the place out. You have home court advantage when you take care of your space.
Conversation. You cannot control people, although there are some of you out there that try. It is non negotiable to allow a safe space for everyone to feel their best. No one person is the brunt of the joke and everyone has the ability to contribute. It’s like during summer camp when you needed the baton in order to speak. If you don’t have the stick, it’s not your turn. The hardest/easiest thing to do is listen.
Timing. This point is less about starting on time and more about when things wrap up. The party inevitably reaches a moment where it’s time to say goodbye. I saw on Instagram the other day a sign in someone’s home that said, “Stay as long as you’d like, but be out by 10:00PM.” You will always be invited back if you don’t overstay your welcome. Leave when things are going well. Once the yawning starts, that’s the cue.
Thank You’s. This is absolutely non negotiable. Gathering deserves gratitude. Sending a text, a card, a letter, an email to someone thanking them for their time is the finishing move. Despite what might have happened, or some feelings that came up, take the time the following day to express your delight for the company. Follow this principle when composing your thanks, “too short, abort. too long, wrong.” Develop the vocabulary to say exactly what you mean in a personalized way.
Falafel(ish) Salad
This weeks recipe is based off of a craving. I have a deep love for falafel. It’s inexpensive to make, therefore, I cannot justify spending NYC prices just to have it. With a modern touch and some insightful creativity, this salad gives falafel feelings without the time investment. The dressing is combo of two dressings, one part garlicky yogurt, the other whipped tahini. The herbs make up about fifty percent of salad and help whisk up the remaining dregs of the dressing. Save the pita for another time.
Serves 2
Ingredients:
1 tsp whole coriander seeds
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
(1) 15 oz can Chickpeas (drained and rinsed of their liquid)
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 tbsp za’atar
100 g tahini
1/2 lemon (juiced)
1 garlic clove (finely smashed, minced)
75 g full-fat greek yogurt
2 tsp turmeric (ground)
1/4 red onion (thinly sliced)
1 tsp red wine vinegar
1/4 tsp sumac
1 head of romaine lettuce (torn into large pieces)
1/2 english/seedless/hot house cucumber (small dice)
1/2 cup cherry tomatoes (quartered or halved)
8 small-medium pickled pepperoncinis (thinly sliced)
1 pint of mixed herbs, picked (dill, parsley, mint, cilantro)
Kosher salt to taste and Maldon/Sea Salt to finish
Method:
Preheat oven to 325ºF. On a small baking tray, add coriander and cumin. Toast the spices in the oven for 10-15 minutes, until noticeably fragrant and the color has deepened slightly. Allow to cool and set aside.
Preheat a large skillet over medium heat. Add extra virgin olive oil to the pan and bring up to temperature. Add chickpeas and scatter in an even layer. Gently toast and brown over the course of 7-10 minutes. The chickpeas will look noticeably dry and start to crack. Test one by cooling it off and eating it. If it’s crispy, light, and audibly crunchy, they're done. Drain onto a tray lined with paper towel(s), season generously with kosher salt and za’atar, set aside.
Grind coriander and cumin in a mortar and pestle or spice grinder to a fine powder. In a large bowl combine tahini, lemon juice, and garlic. Gently whisk ingredients. The tahini will start to seize and look broken. Add small splashes of ice water, continuously whisking until the mixture is smooth and resembles whipped cream. Season liberally with salt. Stir in greek yogurt and turmeric. The turmeric will bloom and deepen in color the longer the dressing sits. The mixture should be tangy, bright, and creamy.
In a small bowl add red onion, big pinch of salt, vinegar, and sumac. Stir, and allow to sit for five minutes lightly pickling.
In a large bowl, add romaine, cucumbers, tomatoes, pepperoncinis, pinch of kosher salt, and roughly a 1/4 cup of dressing. Stir with tongs or hands to evenly coat. Spoon a small amount of dressing on the bottom of each plate and spread around to create a base for the salad. Add the salad to the plate, then the toppings. Start with the sumac red onions, mix of herbs, scattering around to cover the salad. Lastly, add fried za’atar chickpeas to the salad. Season with flakey salt, more sumac, and za’atar if you’d like.