Self portraits are rather interesting when you think about the amount of time a person has to sit with themselves gazing at their own reflection. That time feels like a luxury. A moment to see yourself, fully.
I purchased a new book recently. “Strangers to Ourselves: Unsettled Minds and the Stories that Make Us” by, Rachel Aviv. I had seen this book before in a few stores and thought, "well, the title is intriguing.” When Emily Ratajkowski praised the book on her podcast, that got my attention. Which I’m sure says a lot about me but who is anyone to judge these days.
The book is about psychosis and how the effects of our culture and certain diagnoses can alter the course of lives. If you’re curious about people in general and you like a unique prose, you should read Rachel Aviv’s book. It got me thinking though about the idea of absorbing these identities and the weight of what they actually mean, or not.
Putting an emphasis on who you are and what you’re about may be potentially harmful.
I identify as a man who likes having sex and relationships with men. Does that mean I have to take on the role of a gay man? I work with food, writing, and teaching. Do I have to experience writers block in order to be considered a writer? Do I need to sustain burns to inform you I work with food? In Rachel Aviv’s book, she begins with a story about herself at an early age where she was diagnosed anorexic by medical professionals. She stopped eating for three days and before she knew it she was grouped with other girls that had been diagnosed similarly. She was six years old.
For most of my adult life I placed an importance on understanding the inner most parts of myself. Now, I don’t know if I believe any of my findings. It’s certainly information, but where does that bring me? I have mini revelations when I store trust, respect, and faith in others. The best mirror I can view myself in is when I see me in others. I find my own values through interactions with everyone.
I can sit with myself for long periods of time trying to evaluate all the choices I have made over the course of my life; it only strips away from who I am currently. I am a man, who likes men, tall, two working legs, eyes to see, a nose to smell who needs to say to himself, thank you. In order for me to no longer be stranger to myself, I am willing to see myself in you. With that perspective I feel secure.
some photos from My Kitchen.
Tahini Volcano Cakes
When I made the first pass for this recipe, I felt I reached the summit of Mt. Divinity. I was watching YouTube videos into the early morning hours when I saw a clip of Chocolate Lava Cakes. They’re iconic and almost irreplaceable in the realm of warm desserts. I have been feeling lately that white chocolate doesn’t get the respect it deserves. A pairing I have enjoyed in the past is white chocolate and tahini. The vanilla satiny richness married with the nutty bitterness is a complex duo. One ingredient hailing from the tropics while the other from the arid Levant. Two perfect strangers finding each other and creating new memories.
Serves 4
Ingredients:
2 Tbsp unsalted butter, softened at room temperature.
1/4 cup of hulled sesame seeds
100 g tahini
100 g white chocolate, use high quality if available
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp kosher salt (Diamond Crystal)
2 whole large eggs, plus 3 egg yolks.
50 g brown sugar
Method:
Preheat an oven to 450ºF with the rack positioned in the center.
Liberally butter four 8oz ramekins. Coat each one with an even amount of sesame seeds by rolling the ramekin on its side to ensure the walls are evenly coated. Place all ramekins on a small sheet tray.
In a medium sized bowl, large enough to fit over a small sauce pan add white chocolate, tahini, vanilla and salt. Place the bowl over the sauce pan with an inch of water in it. Bring the pot to a simmer allowing the tahini to warm and the chocolate to melt gently (2-5 minutes). Stir with a rubber spatula to ensure the mixture is warming homogeneously.
In the meantime, add eggs plus yolks with brown sugar to a large bowl. Whisk vigorously for 2-4 minutes until brown sugar is dissolved and the mixture looks light and frothy.
Allow tahini mixture to cool off the heat 1-2 minutes before whisking into the egg and sugar mixture. When initially whisking in the tahini mixture it will look slightly broken and start to seize, whisk faster to ensure the mixture is fully incorporated.
Portion evenly between the four ramekins. Place in the oven to bake for 10-12 minutes. The cakes will be jiggly when done, have some slight browning on the top, and the edges will start to pull away from the side of the ramekin. Allow to cool for 1-2 minutes.
Before plating, run a small pairing knife along the outside of the ramekin to loosen the cake before inverting it. Use a kitchen towel, or oven safe mitt to invert the cake swiftly onto a plate. Do so by placing the plate on top of the ramekin, then inverting. Split the cake open and watch all the hot tahini spill out onto the plate. Serve with unsweetened whipped cream, or ice cream if you’re having one of those days.