Things about me I’ve rarely shared before.
I was the 2007 Windham Tech prom king. I have dropped that piece of information on my friends before and it gets mixed reviews. Right before I graduated high school I was in a complete state of ecstasy. The high school I attended was a vocational school where you would divide the school year with traditional curriculum and then a focused curriculum towards a trade. In my sophomore year, my mother passed away and I became heavily invested in my trade and my way out of Connecticut.
I was in culinary arts, a trade my sister graduated from merely fifteen years prior. I wanted to be like her. Charming, hyper-focused and just silly at times. Following in her footsteps felt like honoring her. She dabbled in decorating cakes and some food jobs here and there, but ultimately left the profession. A week before I graduated the culinary arts “shop” (that’s what we called it) we had a special dinner honoring the culinary arts seniors. My chef/instructor got up and made a few remarks and informed everyone that she was giving out an award. She made a lovely speech about a particular students dedication to craft and pursuit of excellence. She turned, looked at me and presented the “Outstanding Achievement Award” to me.
The philosophy I enjoy the most that I have followed is, “get out while it’s good.” A month after graduating I left Connecticut and have rarely returned. I used to smoke cigarettes quite a bit around this time. I miss smoking. Perhaps this was one of the times in my life that I was a fully socialized individual because of smoking. After the first year of culinary school I set my sights on a dream internship, one of the few paid ones, The Food Network. A fellow dorm mate interviewed and warned me of the “tricks” they set you up with at The Food Network. I felt confident that I could nail it. A week after my interview they called and took me on as a summer intern. I made a lot of mistakes on my internship that were supposed to be about learning. However, when you’re freshly eighteen years old everyone wants to be your mentor. Most advice from my “mentors” was about gaining experience working in professional kitchens and how that is the way to develop as a chef and a respectable candidate for any job in food. This trope, I believe, is problematic on many levels and is still a rhetoric that exists today.
I have failed multiple classes, the first was freshman year English. I despised the teacher and her prize winning Chinese Shar Pei, “Tonka.” I had to go to summer school to make up for that class and I was so embarrassed. I tried to conceal my parents from every report card I had. I was at best a C student. The last class I failed was in college. Professor Flynn was teaching Economics and you really had to pay attention. If you were unsure of the material you could visit Professor Flynn at his office hours. I refused all of that the first time and truly thought I could get by with the bare minimum. The clock was ticking and my last semester schedule was packed with the addition of Economics (round two). I went to Professor Flynn’s office hours. He asked me if I had interviewed anywhere. I told him that I was interviewing at Per Se in Manhattan. On the last day of class as he was giving out our final grades, he wrote me an email and said good luck and congratulations. I had just received notice that I got the job at Per Se and I passed with a C-.
I had a Yamaha dirt bike growing up. My Father used to take me to NASCAR races every summer and discuss different parts of the United States. He knew a lot of the nuances of each state. To this day I know that attempting to speed in Virginia is flirting with the law. We drove everywhere and rarely flew to any destination. I didn’t care for the dirt bike, or even NASCAR for that matter. My brother was born with cerebral palsy and is wheelchair bound. He couldn’t partake in motorsports or many physical activities. I was guilted by my family to feel grateful that I could participate in sports including the motorsports because of my able body. I used to feel some shame around these feelings and experiences and now not so much. These pieces are random and are only the smallest bits of my story. I love discussing the seemingly uninteresting things about ourselves. I want to remain curious about your story. Connection, to cultivate it, to enrich our lives with it, requires a kindness and stewardship towards our stories. If we’re in the right place one day, I hope you can share the pieces of your story that got you here.
The best peanut butter on the market, not an ad.
In my mind, this is the platonic ideal of what peanut butter should be. This brand understands that even creamy peanut butter should be slightly coarse. The ingredient list is peanuts and salt. It’s a bit on the pricier side but it’s worth it because of how peanuty it tastes. A bit of stirring is required. When you desire purity in a product, reach for the best.
Peanut Butter Brittle Cookies
Undeniably delicious. The base flavor of peanut butter is amped up above a ten. The brittle sometimes pools when the cookie bakes and allows you to get crispy bits of peanut butter with a fudgey peanut butter cookie all in one. If you have a craving for peanut butter, in my opinion, why not double-down?
*please read the recipe in full before making.
Makes 18-20 cookies.
Ingredients:
230g granulated sugar
190g creamy peanut butter
1.5 tsp baking soda
1 tsp kosher salt (diamond crystal)
115g unsalted butter, room temperature (1 stick)
80g dark brown sugar
1 large egg, room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
150g all purpose flour
Flaky salt for finishing.
Method:
Line a small sheet tray with parchment paper. In a medium sized pot gently add 150g of granulated sugar and 1/4 cup of water over the sugar. Place the pot over medium-high heat. Cook the sugar to make a dark amber colored caramel. Do not agitate the mix as this could cause crystallization and that is what you want to avoid. After 8-12 minutes, you should have the desired color you’re looking for. Add 70g of peanut butter and stir to combine. While the mixture is still hot, add in 1/2 tsp kosher salt and 1/2 tsp baking soda and stir in quickly. The mixture will bubble and foam. Swiftly pour out your peanut butter brittle onto the lined sheet tray in an even layer and set aside.
In a large bowl, cream your butter with remaining granulated sugar and brown sugar using a whisk for 5 minutes. You can also do this in the bowl of a stand mixer on medium speed for 3 minutes. Add in your egg, vanilla extract and remaining peanut butter. Whisk or beat the mixture until combined.
In a large bowl whisk together your flour with remaining salt and baking soda. Add the flour to your base and fold using a spatula just to hydrate the flour, initiating a couple of passes, no serious mixing here.
Using a freezer safe plastic bag, add cooled brittle to the bag. Using a rolling pin or any firm object, crush your brittle into pea-sized pieces. Uniformity isn’t crucial here but you do not want large chunks. Fold the crushed brittle into your cookie base. Do a couple light but deliberate folds to incorporate the mass together. The dough should look evenly speckled with brittle. Chill in the refrigerator for minimum of 12 hours, up to 24 hours. If not using within that timeframe, form 18-20 cookies (around 40g per cookie) and freeze.
Preheat oven to 350ºF with a rack positioned in the middle. Line a sheet tray with parchment paper. If using the dough straight from the refrigerator, roll all your cookies (see previous note on gram size). Place cookies in an even pattern on the tray allowing for two inches of spreading. Bake the cookies for 10-14 minutes, rotating the tray half way through. You want the center of cookie to look almost set and utilize the remaining heat from the sheet tray to finish the job. Allow cookies to cool for 15-30 minutes before devouring.
The dough lasts up to one week in the fridge, two months in the freezer.