Saag Tofu
Doing too much.
Just two months ago I felt as if my little heart couldn’t keep up with all my side hustles, side projects, lovers, gigs, performances, dinners and random coffee dates. I had properly manifested my dream schedule of being busy, so be careful y’all that shit works. I think I might’ve manifested a little too hard. I feel this annoying instinct to inform you that I am genuinely grateful and lucky to have this life I have. There in lies the problem however, I'm ready to make some new choices.
In short-form improv theres a game called, “new choice.” I remember seeing the game acted out after a show I did with my indie team at The Pit. At any point during a scene a cast member could call out “NEW CHOICE” and the actor on stage would be in a situation where they’d redirect information via tonality, emotion or just saying something fresh. The way I see life is similar to this silly improv game, at any point, upon observation, action can be propelled in another direction.
I can trace back the steps ever-so-carefully like Clarice Starling in Silence of the Lambs to pinpoint the genesis of an idea and when a choice was made that led me where I am now. My “hack” is doing my morning pages (a writing exercise popularized by Julia Cameron in The Artists Way). Writing everyday is useful to excavating your life. I don’t want to get too wax poetic here, but it fucked my shit up (in a good way). The writing, in essence, has become a sensitive subconscious mechanism used to navigate a series of choices. I don’t always consult the page when a decision is finalized, but the evidence is in the ink as to how it makes me feel.
You know what, I am lucky. I am overjoyed to have a daily practice unearthing my feelings I would’ve otherwise ignored if I didn’t write. I’m remembering why I embarked on a healing renewal of identity, especially a life centered in artistry and creativity. I missed the purity of the heart. I yearned for all the sensations and emotions encompassing what it means to be human. I desired to experience awe and wonderment again. Theres a worthiness wound impacting my ability to prioritize myself. This inexplicable and uncontrollable feeling is what I remember initiating with. A new choice has been made to reinstate a principle towards a simpler life, rooted in growth, love and worthiness.
The demand and impossibility of modern ambition, as a game, is all well and good. I can play in the sandbox with all these hoes. But what I can’t do is see myself fractured by my own subservience. I’m admitting a tendency for co-dependency and people pleasing. It’s perhaps a version of addiction (in fact co-dependency is defined as love addiction). If I wasn’t careful, I would be attaching myself to someone else’s dream and forgoing my primal instincts to find my way back to true North. I struggle to acknowledge if I’m being too hard on myself or hyper vigilant. TLDR, I’m doing too much. Is the act of evaluation doing “too much” or is someone able to call me up and say, “new choice.”
Saag Tofu
This has all the makings of saag paneer, instead extra firm tofu acts more like a sponge transforming the soy coagulate into a plump bites enriched with spinach gravy. My newest obsession, S&B Oriental Curry Powder, makes a strong case to be the all purpose curry powder casually making cooking more enjoyable. One of my favorite things to order is Chana Saag for delivery when I just can’t muster the strength to hold a wooden spoon. What I love about this recipe is how easy it is and just how much it makes even for little ole me.
Serves 4-6
ingredients :
1 red onion, peeled and roughly chopped
5 cloves of garlic
